Walking With the Grieving: How to Offer Real Support Through Loss

No one ever imagines the day they’ll have to say goodbye to someone they love. Even when the loss isn’t unexpected—even when God is gracious in preparing us—it still feels unfathomable. The act of saying goodbye rarely feels final until you realize you can’t call their number anymore, or you notice their absence at the Thanksgiving table, missing their laughter that once filled the room.

Let’s explore some meaningful ways we can support those who are grieving. Grief is a deeply personal journey, and recognizing its complexities helps us walk alongside others with compassion and grace.

1. Not All Loss Is the Same
Losing a grandparent is not the same as losing a child, a spouse, or a sibling. Avoid comparing experiences, as each loss is unique. Every person’s relationship and grief story is different—and that’s okay.

2. Not All Grief Looks the Same
Grief can manifest in many forms: tears, silence, rage, numbness, exhaustion, or even laughter. It’s messy and nonlinear. Respect the variety of emotional expressions people may exhibit.

3. Cultural Expressions of Grief Vary
Different cultures and regions express mourning in their own ways. Be mindful and respectful of others’ customs, especially during funerals and memorials.

4. Shock Is Real and Varies by Circumstance
The shock of losing someone to suicide is very different from losing someone to a long-term illness like cancer. Every type of loss carries different emotional weights and timelines. Be sensitive to those distinctions.

5. Grief Has Stages—but Not in Order
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance may all show up at various times. Grieving is not linear. Let people experience these stages in their own time, without pressure.

6. Be a Listener, Not a Fixer
People in grief don’t need advice—they need to feel heard. Offering unsolicited guidance can feel judgmental and cause people to retreat further into isolation. Isolation, in turn, can lead to deeper mental health issues like depression and anxiety.

7. Support in the Workplace Matters
Managers should be trained to respond appropriately to bereavement. This includes:

• Clear and compassionate time-off policies
• Respect for personal grief timelines
• Private, easy ways to report a loss
• Flexible schedules or phased returns
• Regular check-ins around anniversaries or meaningful dates

8. Recognize Secondary Losses
Loss isn’t just emotional—it can be financial, logistical, or practical. A death can mean losing income, housing, routine, or childcare. Recognize the cascading effects and extend compassion accordingly.

9. Promote Access to Counseling
The first year after a loss is often the hardest. Advocacy for early access to counseling is critical. Pre-loss counseling may also be helpful when a death is anticipated, helping families process decisions and prepare emotionally. During intense grief, people may experience mental fog, indecision, and emotional shutdowns.

10. Encourage Healthy Coping Tools
Hotlines, grief groups, or volunteer activities can provide immediate relief. At the 3–7 month mark, individuals may benefit from re-engaging with hobbies and structure. For those with children or job constraints, “scheduled grief” can be healing—setting aside time to journal, cry, or process. It’s okay to grieve on purpose.
Avoid vilifying the cause of death—whether it was suicide, overdose, or an accident. Compassion must always be present, regardless of the circumstances.

11. Watch for Secondary Trauma—Even as a Helper
Pastors, caregivers, and nonprofit workers often carry the burdens of others. If your ministry involves end-of-life care, sick children, or trauma, pay attention to your own symptoms: appetite changes, insomnia, muscle tension, or emotional burnout. Allow space for your own healing. Active listening—not fixing—is your best gift. People feel safest when they’re heard and not judged.
When someone feels spoken at instead of spoken with, they may retreat, increasing the risk of unhealthy coping behaviors such as substance abuse.

A Final Word of Hope
Jesus was deeply practical in the face of grief—He fed people after raising a child from the dead and wept at Lazarus’s tomb (John 11:35). He showed us how to be both empathetic and realistic.
Be hope. Be present. As 1 Thessalonians 4:13 reminds us: “We do not grieve as those who have no hope.” While we may not always have the right words, we can carry a peace that helps others keep going—one moment at a time.