Why Do We Do That? (Behaviors)

Good ideas sometimes have bad consequences. Can we agree that this is true?

I have heard oftentimes parents tell their kids "Be nice to that bully, you never know what they have been through." At the moment, it feels kind and generous but in reality, what we tell our kids is you can act however you want because hey you may have had a bad day.

I don't know about you but I want my child to learn how to understand his behaviors not excuse them. So maybe no one ever explained to you exactly how your behaviors work. I would like to take a moment and do just that.

Let's talk about the 4 main and 1 extra category:
Access
Attention
Escape
Sensory
and Counter Control

Some of these will feel self-explanatory but let's dive into the communication of these behaviors.

Let's say a child wants access to the cookie jar and he knows there was that one time he threw a tantrum and got a cookie. In his mind you throw a tantrum, you get a cookie. That is a behavior that has a consequence that makes sense to the child.

Attention seeking can be at any age. There is a moment in which you may not get the recognition at work, at home, or even from your kids. Things that you do may not be for any other reason than to say "Hey Hey I'm Over Here."

Let's say a guy wants to check out from a long day at work. That guy may come home and immediately plug into his gaming console to ESCAPE the conversations he doesn't want to have following a long day at work.

Let's say students are failing a particular class. Some may say it's the teacher, school, or curriculum. The first thing I ask is let's see the classroom. Who knows maybe it's 100 degrees in there or an arctic freeze where they can't focus on the lecture because all they are thinking about is how cold it is. That would be a SENSORY issue.

And of course our favorite, Counter Control. A person who expects you to back down when they counter one behavior for another. Maybe it's that they even give you the silent treatment until you cave or they threaten to do something harmful.

So now that we know what our behaviors are called, let's talk about the spiritual and cognitive connection.

What we put in comes out right?

The environment, the company, our memories, our childhood traumas, and our bad experiences all affect how we process things in real-time. Your spouse may do something and it triggers something from your past and an explosion happens and the other person is left asking "Where did that come from?" Nothing in our behaviors is that impulsive. Behaviors are an expression of whatever is slowly dripping on your cognitive connections.

So if we keep doing the same things and expecting different results we aren't going to get anywhere. It is all about the environment and influence that moves us in the right direction. Keeping people around you who can kindly but firmly redirect you if you seem to be expressing behaviors that could be unhealthy to you or the people around you.

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
(Rom 12:2)

Seek the behaviors and attributes of Jesus. Not the attributes you think Jesus would have had but the actual behaviors he expressed in the scriptures alone. Seek after those things that bring you Favor and lead you in the direction of being more like Christ. We get so hung up and thinking about who we think Jesus would have been that we don't focus on who he told us he was.

A good man will obtain favor from the Lord,
But He will condemn a man who devises evil.
(Proverbs 12:2)

We will be known by our behaviors, words, our fruit as he calls it. We aren't known for our excuses or explanation. It is up to us to change those negative behaviors.

For there is no good tree which produces bad fruit, nor, on the other hand, a bad tree which produces good fruit. For each tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they pick grapes from a briar bush. The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.
(Luke 6:43-45)

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