How To Disciple Through Church Hurt

The most basic fears of an individual that has been burnt by a church are:

1. Not feeling seen- you would be surprised how many times I have heard "I went to _____ church for a year and a half and no one ever said a thing to me." Your hospitality leadership should be saying more than good morning. Learn something new about a person each week, not just the same people either. This person should be able to remember names to faces as well. See the importance of Jesus in EVERYONE.
2. Not feeling understood- someone might have an issue in their life that feels extremely urgent to them and when being counseled they were brushed off. Regardless of your schedule restraints, physical exhaustion, or mental threshold, God's provision will be there when we make space for it. Make time for the SPIRIT to speak.
3. Not feeling safe or protected- an incident of harassment, inappropriate gestures, or jokes. Everyone's upbringing looks different. Sometimes what we see as funny, play, or light-hearted others see as offensive. It's up to the church leadership to post and communicate what behaviors they deem appropriate or inappropriate. Always make clear what the church deems as acceptable and resolve when a person makes actions in contradiction to that. Don't let one person's actions dictate the narrative of acceptance within your ministry. 
4. Feeling judged-when in a rough place in life they were condemned instead of redirected. This is not an invitation to love people into believing their sin is not wrong but people need redirection. Remember connection before correction.
5. Feeling used- a committed person may be over-extended in volunteering or in-kind donations. Some say, "Leadership never spoke to me unless they wanted me to donate to something." Some say "The leadership only spoke to me when they needed me to jump in and help with something." Leadership will say "People can say no," and you are right. However, leadership should never solely speak to a person when they need something. Build that relationship. Pour into your volunteers more than you expect to pour out from them.
6. Feeling neglected- ever so often you'll find a person who is on fire for the Lord and hungry for involvement. This person may be new to your church simply because the last church did not have a way for them to grow further. They may not have had a singles ministry, college group, mom's community, and so forth. They are looking for opportunities to grow and connect. Temperature checks can help us see a breach in our immunity. A church may think they are doing great, but then a bulk of one demographic starts leaving for another church. The move can be because of a more vibrant ministry for that one demographic elsewhere. Every once and a while, take a poll and find out where you could expand your reach, increase engagement and provide new opportunities, especially in a growing church. Know your people and serve them well.

Phil 2:4
Heb 6:10

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