How To Communicate To Your Church About Your A Typical Child

Every day is a new blessing and a new challenge all at once.
I know we went through the delayed speech, the picky eating, the costume obsession, the perseveration, and all the moments in between.

If you are dealing with the blessing that is low emotional intelligence but high intellectual intelligence then life gets even more complicated.  Schools don't know what to do with someone so high functioning that they think "should" be treated normally. The confusion between cognative and emotional maturity was hard enough for you to learn much less bring a volunteer up to speed 5 minutes before walking into a service. No one has spent the time you have researching, learning, adapting, and developing an environment for success. You talk about resources and they look at you like you've just given them the cross to carry for Christ. I have never seen more dramatic reactions to "dealing" with an A Typical child.
 
So where do you begin to manage to communicate with your church about your child? After all, schools can not refuse to provide resources however church volunteers don't have to adapt. This can be such a hard place for a child to fall through the cracks. They can't quite engage fully and yet they know they need to love on the kiddo. So here are some things you may have experienced in the past or maybe are afraid of:

1. A child is treated with the same level of correction as a disciplinary circumstance
2. A child is asked to sit with an adult separately
3. A child is left out from participating in a game or activity
4. A child is rarely called upon to give an articulate answer during q&a
5. A child might be ignored because others don't know how to engage with him/her
6. A teacher might think love looks like engagement which might accidentally enable a negative behavior

We can begin to bridge the gap between facts and fears. We must be realistic with our expectations and the Church must be willing to listen and adapt. The key to this is clear communication. We want to remove any fog or confusion from the situation. Remember, you are the expert of your child. Sometimes people just need some clear guidance to providing key resources.

How can we engage in a positive manner that both communicates love and safety?

1. Don't assume the church has a plan. A child plan that is short and easy to read can go long in the volunteer world. Volunteers change on the fly so if there is a check-in board your child's plan should be attached each week for whoever is working with your kiddo. 
2. Don't rely on one person. You may have one lovely lady/fellow who understands your kid but in the off chance they aren't there one week, always make sure you have given your plan to the leadership.
3. Give limitations an alternative. If your child can't have a certain food for a party provide an alternative. If your child doesn't speak well, express the best way to engage in conversation. If your child needs medication, express the urgency of the need for such.
4. Friends are the future. It's important to make sure little ones make friends but the best way to do this is to watch mom/dad do the same. If there is not an A Typical moms/dads/parents group then I highly recommend you talk to leadership about starting one. Don't force other kids to understand and don't force little ones to act like other kids. Everyone's life experiences are molded by what they are exposed to and sometimes it just makes sense to have friends that match in maturity, experiences, or lifestyle. I know for me it is a huge relief to be around other moms who also have Atypical children but they just get my frustration. They also have an abundance of grace when my child is learning to be in social settings. It helps to ease yourself into church instead of feeling like no one understands your situation.
5. Know when to fold. Not every kid is built for every available option. For example, if your child is sensory sensitive then I would say the Six Flags trip might just have to be something we skip. For my child, he doesn't pay attention well. He is likely to get lost because he is not paying attention to the group therefore big outings with small groups of volunteers are just not a good fit. It is unfair to assume the volunteers can handle the expectations and it's unfair to your kiddo to make him/her miserable just for inclusion. It can also be an at risk danger if your child tends to be a runner and so forth. 
6. Keep trying, don't give up. If you are not getting the results or approach, you may look to take it to higher management. If higher management does not try to include your child through proper integration then this is not your home. You need to find a church home that loves all its children regardless of where they are in life. Just know love and adaptation are two separate things.
7. Know what your legal rights are at all times. There is a line between physical restraint, safety, and physical abuse. Make sure you set boundaries clearly as to the parameters of correction. Research your state laws for more education on the matter.

I have a video for leadership you can share with your children's ministry or youth group leaders. Below is a link to a form we recommend to begin the communication between you and children's ministry leadership. Please don't hand this to a volunteer right before service.Here at Made To Walk we focus on proactive research to try and eliminate reactions that harm. The best approach if you are thinking of visiting a church is to reach out via email ahead of time. Attach the form with a picture of the child and introductory paragraph. You don't need to get too in details just let them know your coming to try the church. This allows them to be prepared and kindly awaiting your participation. Allow space for ignorance and remember this may be their first time engaging with A Typical restrictions so remember to connect before we correct. Show them how, let them see how you respond so there might be less moments of reactions.

Isaiah 42:16
And I will lead the blind
in a way that they do not know,
in paths that they have not known
I will guide them.
I will turn the darkness before them into light,
the rough places into level ground.
These are the things I do,
and I do not forsake them.

Proverbs 31:8-9
Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.

John 9:1-3
As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.

Link To Form: HERE
Video Available: HERE